is that you? its been such a long time

or so go the lyrics from my midlands - to japan old friend..a very talented man indeed. He made this song , of which cd, i found lodged between a birthday card and a postcard that i was meaning to send to an old student for christmas. So, i have good intentions. but cant intend to do anything about it.

I had a better picture of you , lying face up on the saga eki after daves last night. However it just wouldnt up load. At least the fact that you're sitting next to a nice girl means that you dont lose "all of your face"

iv realised another thing today (before i continue)..the reason for my blogness-ness is that my familys state of the art wirless connection cuts off every five minutes. this means i am on a constant look out for the "not conected" signal before i click "send"!

this has been one of those "thinking" days..
are we all selfish?
can we all be positive ?
why do we get swallowed up in our own fears and sadness...?
why do we always want more than we need?
is it worth the sacrifice?
do i need to be doing this?

oh well, ifyou think that i have the audacity to answer any of these questions then your sadly mistaken. i dont. im tired of askng myself these questions. firstly because its quite emotionally draining, and secondly because its 1am! tiring indeed!

the thing is, once upon a time, this street answered a lot of those questions. Most of the questions, "answer lies within i guess" says I

anyway tomorrow is , yes u guessed it, another day of auditing mayhem. where the invoices need to matched, the staples need to be inserted in the stapler, and yes alas i need to wear some clean clothes that dont have bread crumbs from last week clinging on for dear life!

the thing is, yes life can be pretty crap, but one of favorite japanese quotes is, and one which luckily was too big to get a tatoo on my back for, was "sumebamiako". this means, no matter where u go, where you ARE , is your capital. what im doing is , yes, quite crap, and why im doing it i dont know, however i am OK. i have a an OK life, with friends, and a girlfriend and a family which cares for me more than i deserve. So does that mean i will be walking into the office with a smile on my face? hell no!

obviously the fact that its friday has an impact, but the scary thing is, hours ago, it was friday. Time has gone so fast since iv started this proffession, that i think iv proved einsteins theory wrong. You really can speed up time! I cant remember what i did yesterday, let alone 6 weeks ago. The worst thing is, iv given up alcohol!