what we should do next week...

And so it was, the great adventure. The first of what I hope to be several excursions., where the good become bad, the handsome become ugly and the remembered becomes forgotton. What am I talking about? Yes, it’s the traditional British stag party. So in true auditing fashion, I give you, ANDYS STAG DO

Establish Engagement objectives

The objective was plain and simple. To make sure Andy enters his marriage with the minimal amount of dignity and pride and to make sure that the rest of team help him along the way. As I sat in my corner of the pub, with the excitement buzzing around me, I paid careful attention while drinking my first beer in over a month. (After the first beer my memory is a bit hazy, so certain things if left out, are due to my failure as a light weight)

One objective seemed to be heard more often than not, the need to find a strip bar. (names have been changed to protect the identities of those that do not want to be named…erm). So big splodge-like person has confidently asserted that there are no , yes, no strippers in Belfast.

Imagine that, a whole city where no one can be paid to take their clothes of. Why? Having done a night out, It seems that these girls don’t need any pecuniary rewards for them to strip off (no personal experience). However having said this, it so happened that the stag himself seemed to find himself in the presence of a prostitute who had offered her services not only ot him, but to the whole "little italy" restaurant, full of slobbering, half conscious happy drunks.

So no strippers? Really? Ok . What are our other objectives? Basic objectives on every ones score card was the necessity to be as drunk and homosexual as ever. This inevitably happens when large amounts of alcohol are consumed and puke regurgitated. Your mates become a sure way of knowing that you are loved. Unlike women who tend to stay away from drunk guys, us men, seem to be more in need of a hug, big kiss (cheek), and if better a sumo style lifting manoeuvre, accompanied with a huge bellow of might and power to let everyone know that this man that I am lifting, is MY man!


PLANNING

the top best things that one likes to see when on a stag do are

1.the groom to be, to be making a fool of himself by running around stark naked, apart from a tight little g-string, in and around a public area.

2.a nice game of paintball, to show our macho-ness, and empty our bullets on the stag and anyone else who is outnumbered. Hit your own team, dive over messy and dangerously muddy terrain to overcome ones enemies, to perform the art of war to its entirety!!!!

3.to create banter by writing poems to random groups sitting behind you, male or female,
"oh scarfed wonder, how we do ponder, how beautiful you are today, . so give us a glance, and together we will dance, and together we will play"

4.The regular mooning. No matter kind of arse is mooned at regular passers by, it is still as beautiful as nature intended

5.to all manage to cordinate with each other at a subconcious drunken level to meet up at 4am in a mates hotel room and have more randomness, especially seeing how many people you can fit into one bed

6.Like any other conglomeration of hot blooded drunken males, tehre should be competition involved, wether this be drinking games, to best dance moves to hurdling a post box...



and so with this in i end, i wish you all goodnight cos its 2am and i have a trip to France with madame and i must be awake and on the look out for any signs of mass riots caused by students who are too scared to find out that being a bum might get them sacked!

before i go, it is my honour to leave you all with two fantastic poems written by two very good friends of mine. Sometimes i wonder what wasted talent you two are ! One relates to the previously talked about subject, the other, well, the other is our well loved career...