up for rent

i have an idea....


while i was in japan, we were given the opportunity to write a daily blog and update it on a group blog website. therefore everyone had some kind of input, and the result was a very, erm, unique insight into other peoples mentality, not just mine for a change!!
therefore...my proposal - to allow a select few to write a few bits and bobs and email to me. Then i will, yes leave them uncensored and post them IMMIEDIATELY onto the blog...
or if this doesn’t work, i will perform an act of utmost generosity. I will give you the key to my blog, the magic username and password. The authorisation codes that will let you enter into the domain, into the very creation that is amitosensei, into the depths of my psychology. Yes!
However although i am quite surprised by how popular this blog has been in creating a culture, especially around the work environment , i cant imagine there being a great number of people pushing themselves to the front of the queue. It is just a means of trying to help me fill up some empty space throughout the days when i cant write. To fill up the silence...Come on guys, im counting on you...
we will draw up a list by next week. If no volunteers, then sadly, or maybe fortuitously i will continue !

managed to get something done today which is a miracle when you think consider what the day in the life of a lost soul in London can be. Starts of well as usual, with a short ride into London. Following some unforeseen personal problems that were in no way part of my control, I received a text from my mum saying my aunt had another attack.

A bit of a history lesson concerning my mums family, well in a crude way it’s a short history lesson, as my mums side seem to be plagues by early deaths and constant illnesses. Right now my mums miraculously surviving parents seem to be in and out of the hospital and my mum has resigned to it being a “mater of time”. I don’t think I can understand her pain, and I don’t think I will, because selfishly I have taken it for granted that both sets of my grandparents are alive. At the age of 24, not many people can claim that. Although my parents have both experienced some sort of grief, the only grief I suffer is of an emotional dilemma that seems to revolve around the opposite sex!

However the news of my favourite aunt having another brain attack through a lesion. In case you’re not sure what a lesion is, its simply an abnormal tissue in the body that has unfortunately grown in or around the brain of my aunt causing clotting. Although not al lesions require treatment, whenever there is a blood clot, this can lead to severe results. As a consequence, the first attack my aunt had was 4 years ago, and this left her weakened but enough energy to fight on and get back to normal within the year. I remember being uterrly shocked that day and although not religious, i found myself staring upwards inside the great dome of St Pauls and just hoping i could somee kind of hope.

However the doctors failed or did not want to interfere with another delicate swelling and this caused a more grave attack later on, which left part of her body slightly paralysed, and in a way, resembling the effects of mild stroke…and now she is back inside again….

the reason im writing this at some god forsaken hour, is not to enlighten you concerning the delicate illness terminology , but maybe to get something out of my system…

When you hear news of someone close to your heart is suffering whether it be a grave illness or even a personal problem there is something inside you that just wants to throw everything to the ground and go to the aid of that person. Today I felt that urge twice. My aunt is someone who seems to think the world of me, god knows why! On the few occasions when I call her up, I don’t get the usual grandma rant of why didn’t you call, but instead it’s a long talk about life, girls, and what team her son is going to play for when he grows up. One thing I will always love her for, is the fact that she was one of the relatives who told me to stay another year in Japan and to live my life, and to make sure that I am happy no matter what. Unfortunately my own parents even weren’t the most supportive when I called them to say sweetly that i didnt want to cme home until another year, (albeit slightly high from the sulphuric fumes of Mount Aso in Kumamoto). I don’t think im the best at keeping in touch, but her kids, my cousins, who are barely in double figures seem to run to the phone just to have a word with their cool older brother (or so Id like to think!!)

There is the usual cliché of why does this happen to good people? Is there a deeper meaning behind al of this….and the only answer I have is no there is isn’t ! There is only one thing. A motto that seems to be at the core of this blog and the reason why this blog was created. You have to life your life.

As I sit tomorrow in the class and learn about how one company can measure its cash better than another, and what discount rate to use, I think I owe it to my aunt who lies in a hospital bed, and her children , and her husband who suffers from MS, …I think I owe it to them, to look away from the screen and take a moment to think about how lucky I am and how I can live whatever is left from my short life to the best of my ability

easy to pack up and go?

So I haven’t done much work unfortunately, or fortunately (what am I thinking!) due to the classic sports on tv.

Having witnessed history in the making as the master of tennis yet again wins his 8th grand slam, and Italy go one below Brazil in winning the World Cup against a France without Zizzi Zizzou…As I imagine the feelings that overpower him as he sits alone in the changing room, head in between his knees and his hands holding his bald head, which would have, for that matter, much rather be holding the shining golden “bald” head of the World Cup trophy…200 million people watched him head but a man in the chest. What would have been branded as assault on the streets, was awarded a red card and shocked gasps by the spectators…

It could my exams into perspective. I am far behind, and losing sight of the finish line. To say that there is a fnish line is but a lie, as all I have to look forward to after this is yet another 6 gruelling months of auditing. Life doesn’t get better? Would I prefer to be doing these exams than be in Zidane’s shoes at THIS precise moment of time? That’s a tough one! Idol turned devil…the pressure for him to succeed at the top level and the hopes of many on his Algerian shoulders…or the pressure of family’s, friends and now works expectations on me to succeed. I have overcome quite a few of these battles by just plodding by, and although I can see myself being up for what is going to be another hour learning what a defined pension contribution plan is, my mind wonders of to many other pastures…

To pick up my guitar and play another song, that inevitably turns into a little 3 chord medley that you could imagine gets the crowed buzzing for a few minutes and silent in anticipation, but then I pluck the wrong string and I go from a minor to a poor flat! Yet again failing…
To be a writer? Don’t start…you look at the greats…they study hard at what they do, there’s no way I can jam my way through some kind of journalistic profession. I cant seem to even write consistently…

To be on my travels again? Where would I go? Santiago? The name sounds nice, yeah just for the name. To travel nervously from one dodgy cab to get ripped of my a bearded old man for a pair of rusty sunglasses. Just by myself, listening to some lonely trumpet and drums echo in the background through my headphones…the pottery self made necklace that I wear for good luck hanging on for dear life as the open top farm style vehicle converted bus carries us through dirt roads to the nearest village for a light break. I have a few sunflower seeds and drown myself in water to quench the dying thirst brought on by the heavy humidity. I have no idea what Santiago will be like…or Sao Paolo…but I would like to go there…

Right now, im typing with my books everywhere…shall I carry on reading a bit more…I guess I should. Writing is so much better. More freestyle, more spin spin suger! Dive into my yellow paper…relax on my bed, think that im actually opening doors with every word…

Im just doing this for the money
And im just doing the money for the travel
And il wait … but not long

There are things going on in the world far more important, and I lie awake in my bed worried that I cant remember the reason im doing what im doing… What would my marks be out of 25 for this piece of writing? IS there a beginning, and well thought out concise and precise points? Have I lost the plot. Have i built my own moat and castle, hiding away on my own island?

A man lies in bed, probably silent and deep in thought, and no idea what is in store for him the next day. The thoughts of millions all on him, the energy sapping away and hes becomes more dejected...

if no man is an island, then tell that to Zidane?