unexpected

a few more days, until i (we), accountants hit the books and saddle on our little sad ponies, to achieve status of big time qualified accountant. there is nothing else more useful in life than a CA, i.e. chartered accounting degree. There is nothing more useful in life than knowing what papers a business must fill in to ensure it has the regulated wallpaper colour and to make sure it has paid, yes actually paid for its staples and rulers that flow almost like water into our eager hands...
i am not looking forward to college one bit! To sit in a desk, frustrated (more ways than one), to be peering between shoulders to catch a glimpse, "oh that was an E not a A, get it now!", to have to drink tealess tea and shit stained coffee. cant wait to get in the class and have to smell the new unopened hard paper books labelled " 1000 rules of good ethics" and "how to piss of your client without being there"....oh the list of reasons are endless...
i pray that I have one last weekend...one last weekend of fun, frivolous fun. I want to dream I am somewhere else, A place far away from the cream wooden desks, boring white walls and monotnous hum of the projector screen...take me away to a land of no worries, endless love and sun...could that be Havana?
So i sit here and stare outside the horizon, sometimes filled with green hills and empty large houses, or sometimes filled with large skyscrapers competing for respect...sometimes i think, i dont even have to go anyway to feel like im relaxed.
Anyway, i can hear the faint sound of the binders clicking open, and papers being handed out, pens at ready and brains reving up at the start line...
the only problem is, I havnt filled any petrol in yet...

"Black Rain"

You left them swimming for their lives
Down in New Orleans
Can't afford a gallon of gasoline
With your useless degrees and contrary statistics
This government business is straight up sadistic
Now you don't fight for us but expect us to die for you
You have no sympathy for us but still I cry for you
Now you may kill the revolutionary but The Revolution you can never bury

Don't speak to us like we work for you
Selling false hope like some new dope we're addicted to
I'm not a desperate man but these are desperate times at hand
This generation is beyond your command
And it won't be long 'til the people flood the streets
To take you down One and All a black rain is gonna fall


from ben harpers official website...

my bott-on

Nature didn’t tell me “be poor” , Nor indeed “be rich”. But she does beg me “be Independent!”
Chamfort “Maxims” (1795)
Status Anxiety
“Alain de Botton”

This, as you might recall is the same author who also wrote the “Art of Travel”. Think what you may, but he is fast becoming one of my favourite authors concerning “Me against the system” style writing. It doesn’t help, when every day you are involved in a constant fight between yourself as an independent person and one who is “dependent” on a salary. Unfortantly , my life has somewhat changed, to one who has no care for status, money and even his future, to one that is constantly worrying about his bank balance, the next career move and his position in the world. A whirlpool of emotions mixed with a fever of a fast moving life…

Il stop now, before i go too "deep". Managed to see some pictures of one of my best friends 31st birthday. 31 or 32? Or 33? Not sure. The title of best friend now seems to waver. No, she still is one of my best friends. Knowing when ones birthday is, or even giving something is not a proof of value of friendship. It’s the quality that counts.

You can spend 10 weeks with someone, 24 hours a day and never get to bond, however one day with another person might teach you more about yourself than any other experience…

Im feeling quite random today at the office. Not much to do. Iv compiled a list of expenses for £300, on the work version of msn messenger to various people, thinking of giving a prank call to a friend of mine. I have been quite good at my accents recently. My favourite is the dumb Texan. Some people might say, im not play acting but finding my true personality!

Weather update – its beg of June, and still clouds wont just go away. They seem to be forming a siege around the sun, preventing us from reaching our daily and reliable source of happiness.

Went to Madrid for the weekend, and there was no battlefield, just a peaceful sun sharing its love with the Spanish citizens. The love was then shared with us, and we passed on the happiness to the Sangria…definitely there is a correlation between light and happiness. No wonder the highest rate of suicide is a Scandinavian country!

“Shes only happy in the sun” – Ben Harper

Anyway good news, a max if 20 degrees this weekend , down the south coast of Bournemouth. Gorgeous stuff isn’t it!

lionel is king

a man who makes love song after song, classic after classic, is surely a man to be installed as a great man forever in time.
he has songs that can be played as matrimonal songs on a timeless basis. a true amen to a man who has become immortal. well done lionel! sounds like an obituary!
one twice three times a miracle!
p.s. i am very drunk
have just played the "osama" game for those who know what this. involved the miss, so i didnt really get up to much, even though she was willing to do anything! mmmm
...suddenly the song "thats why im easy" comes on.....
anyway it was her birthday and me and her flat mates sorted out a surprise birthday. dont think shes had this done before. hope she liked it.
in two weeks i will be studying like a slug on lettuce for my shitty exams. if i could escpae i would. id rather the rain wash me away. had a little bite at a one day pre-emtpive course warmn up today. was horrible! just seeing the geeks i am with. without being pompous it was terrible. they have geeky smiles, with geeky laughs, with geeky teeth with geeky shrugs...i dont need to be associated with them...
anyway must sleep. have an exciting bullshit trip to birmingham to do a crap analysis of the accounts of some shit company iv never heard of....
dont worry, not suicidal..am happy actually...happy drunk...happy happy happy happy..happy that i know where my life ISNT going to go....
happy birthday li
well done!

actually its not about me...its about the...

...PEOPLE!!!!


Having recommended my blog to another good friend, and half expecting the usual polite “erm, not bad amit, at least your grammer is getting better”, she turned around and said, “for us who don’t know your daily life, please give us open subjects to talk about, so that we can comment and give us a more insightful opinion.”


Iv taken heed, and before I leave to go to sunny Madrid (max 29 degrees!), and drink Sangria with a double shot of tequila and play football next door to the Real Madrid stadium, I must apologise. This bog has been a bit too much recently about me. Never meant it.

So what can we talk about?

1) Im on series 5 of 24., episode 12. It really is stopping me sleep. Thank god he has the better half of the day completed! Which one do you think is the best series? Personally 1 and 2 are equally good. The rest are basically Jack against the Muslims, corrupt Americans, stupid Americans and now Russians.

2) In the other room I saw my friend watching Big Brother. The new series….mmmm, no comment. Anyone?

3) I read the headlines of someone else’s newspaper. “Boy kills middle aged man having seen the “slapping video” on his mobile. Its about a teenage cult recording teenagers hit bystanders unexpectedly. Of course this is limited to a couple of fools, but has influenced on person to go too far. I just stop reading the newspaper, especially the free Metro. It might be free, but the actual cost is reading stories of rape, murder and the world coming to an end in the morning! Not my wake up call at all! No wonder everyone is so depressed in the tube.
(see previous blog for tube analysis)

4) Da Vinci is said to be a major disappointment in the cinema. Surely they would have anticipated that the whole good thing about a book is the anticipation of what happens next, and you cant fast forward, you have to read. For the film, I can only imagine the “oh now, what happens next?” gasps being answered the next second after by “ooh, that’s it?”..and “I don’t get it….” End of the day we all know the twist to the tale….Its like the Titanic.

And lastly

5) will youngs “who am I” is a nice song. It plays on heart fm at least once a day, always when im in the shower. Yes, I know typical song to like. He has an interesting voice, always sounds cold, poor chap!

Any comments?
Song of the week anyone? Mine is Matt Costa - Sunshine. Typical I know!

me against the system

my friend changed their date for the wedding. today i have to go and change AGAIN the holiday dates. in our business we rely on a system which books us on clients months, even years in advance. this means there is no roomn for spontaneity. this is my biggest loss since joining this rat race!
so, my plan is to wear really cool clothes (day off), probably show a bit of my pubic chest hair. then il come in, with a nice biug doughnut, (everyone likes those jam filled doughnuts especially when you stare through the deep depths of a computer screen). then il give her my puppy dog eyes, and sigh. she will know i need a favour now. she will know that i have no choice but to ask the question. she will understand that this is the last favour i will ever ask her. please please please can i change the date for my holiday? please can you change my bookings. please can i not do any work for three months. please can i run around in white boxers around the whole office shouting "i wana go on a summer holiday", or something like that. no need for white boxers. iv already started you on a bad road to imagniation of me and pubic chest hair!! i dont have it

its been to long

i have just seen my life flash past for the past week. It has been like a train in a tunnel. You dont seem to remember where you have been for the last few minutes. In my mind, i dont know where iv been for the last few months. Of course physically iv been here, in a state of hunger. Hungry for passion. I seem to find some of it by sharing that energy with someone you love. I have the hunger to sometimes take that energy and use it to water my own selfish needs, and through my thirst for happiness i have found out that things around me seem to dry to a crisp. Mouth dry, and stomach churning. Feels like the sun is too hot, and a parched desert is the only sight in horizon

this where i stopeeed...all but one week ago. now on my first day off in a while, energy on a high, a new spirit is born. one that doesnt mind being challenged once a while. you see life and you expct chanllenges. most of us are never going to be uper rich or famous. it looks like theres a big abundance of those out there, but really, most people lie in the middle. average.

theres not much goin on in this mass of mess. each person trying in vain to be the "individual" that breaks away from the rusty chains. everyone with their own meaning for existence. everyone seeming to be more mportant than the other...

a very random blog this has been in total. iv looked back at what iv wrote, and it goes from talking about the usual mind numbing "i want to break free" (?) to the "why are the skys blue" to th "did you know that...."...

ok, the main elements could be about how much i love my work, having lived an illustrious lazy life before. technialy i am stil lazy. i still have no idea what i want to do, and i dont wish to find out either. minute you start thinking of big things lke hat, its better to then turn your mnd towards the next song on your mp3 player, or even better write a blog.

thuis week has been too long in terms of no writing. just theres been nothing to write about which would be on any interest. Yesterday was so exciting. I was talking to a friend of mine about our passions when we were young. She said she had none. Her life has just been from A to B to C. I had a passion or two, a random wannabe hotel manager, or even better a script writer. Both seem impossible now, and the Alchemist becomes a bit more understandable.

If any one has anything that needs writing, even if it a lyric for a baby shampoo, give me a go...

babys have lovely hair, shampoo can make it oh so fair, so wash it with Booboogaagaa, every baby should ask their Mothaaaaaa!!

(ofcourse use a well known pop star like Snoop doggy dog cos his hair is a symbol for us al!)

sunny day, same picture

Ok that was a little bit too much yesterday, I apologise. I think the fact that the office hasn’t started the air conditioning nor has it invested in any windows (probably due to the intense blanket of pollution that hangs over the city). I do love everyone really, and perhaps there is an underlying anger in me that is waiting to erupt, a boiling point that has taken years to simmer. Thousands of moments of being shoved around in the tube, having to wait for the inevitable signal failure, of having to pay 5 pounds for a box of lettuce and mayo, of having to wait for people to turn up only 40 minutes late and not even apologise for their lack of respect….
Ok breeeeeeeeathe in!

Maybe life in London would be less stressful if, yes wait for it, if we had a beach. London should be surrounded like a moat, by a beach. It should not be open to children below 18 years old and those above 60 (for fear of them showing more than they need to). This might border on discrimination, maybe it is, but in the long term it will benefit all of us. Imagine on a hot day like the one we had yesterday of 25 degrees, imagine we could take an overland train or drive to the nearest point.

Unfortunatly im living a dream. A dream where I can wawlk out, put on the white silk shirt over my tanned chest and get the beige khakis out with brown sandals and step out onto the warm sand. The gentle clapping of waves caressing the shore and my straw hat filtering out the suns strong glare. Oh yes.

In the distance, Theres the smell of burning meat with cooking oil. The soun of chilled out ska in the background and the beckoning call of women in their bikinis drinking and succumbing to the magic of the beach. Yes this is the life. Im gona lie down for a while and let the sun massage me from top to bottom and let the earth take me into her belly.

There is no other way to go to this beach unless you close your eyes. Its hard to describe something that you might never have been to. There is no other way to describe the beauty of a girl in a bikini sipping a beer and dancing by herself in her own trance , to the sound of the waves, unless you’ve seen that. I wish I could feel the warmth of the sand and taste the hot humid air around me. I wish I could escape into the ocean and let the waves carry me across a gentle path to bliss.

This is good enough for the time being though.
Who wants to cycle cuba next year?

mask on mask off

I rumbled in my pocket and heres what I wrote a while ago, I think, probably in a drunken frenzy.

“don’t give in everyone,
Life seems to pass you by
But don’t give up till you’ve won
The battle between you and life’s lie
The lie that they make us believe
To choose the narrow and straight
Where it is the many we should weave
……..

Then I cant read the rest…
It brings to the imagination a scene of a train, chugging along, with completely dead faces that are opposite each other. Each individual, with each unique story of life, temporarily wearing the same mask that is worn by all when getting on the tube. A face of no expression, of “I don’t exist”, of not wanting or wishing or sighing or winging, but just nothingness.

As if they came from a place so dark, that their memories are gone, and they have temporarily joined a system that transports them from A to B without actually seeing anything through the distance.

Don’t you have an urge to just take of that mask. Be yourself. Smile a little at a memory of long ago and look out of the scratchy window to see life. Don’t hide behind a phone or music or newspaper. Look at someone. As my acting teacher says, (don’t laugh!), create a moment between you and the stranger. You know he or she exists but will you acknowledge their existence.

Or is there an invisible wall between you and them and technically you cant see over it, so really you are in your own box, as they are in theirs. Is this how you want to spend your life? Selfish and in your own world? Do you not care for others? Be lost then in your own black hole and go to some dark corner where you live the world that was made for you and notice things that you wish to, and discard those who you care less about. I have no time for you!

its hot..think the heat got to my head...

before the jury

so before i write some deep stuff tomorrow (how eloquent) i would like to add to my discomfort, that the blog is now open for comments that can be made by non blog members. this leaves myself open for attack, compliments and any random thoughts that you might like to add to each blog, or if you are feeling very keen, comment on the previous blogs.
dont be shy, but like the CEO of our company, i will respond only to those comments that are signed by someone, i.e. no anonymous (these are left disgarded like the trash that they are)...and yes, i might even trash them. (even the good ones?)

anyway having jogged for a brief spell through polluted london, and as i have just lost my first tennis match of the season (terrible game, so many unforced errors), i am no longer going to discuss the issue of whether londoners carry their "masks" with them throughout their lives to a greater extent than non londoners, and i will leave you with some funny quotes about sport that i read whilst on the loo...

a) the englsh football team - brilliant on paper, shit on grass

b) well either side could win, or it could be a draw (big ron!)

c) i never make predictions, and i never will (gazza!)

d) steve mcahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead (tom ferrie)

e) if that had gone in, it would have been a goal (david coleman)

f) the entire contents of the manchester city trophy room have been stolen. police are looking for a man carrying a light blue carpet (bernard manning)

and one of my best....

g) you'd think if any team could put a decent wall, it would be China (oooh terry venables...)

aaah yes, it was time to lighten up the mood dont you think.

my road to work

the sun has come out!!

So whats the first thing you do when you get up on the beginning of the week? Do you shout oh joy, oh callay, as the sun appears, with the gentle push from up above to lift your head and make you smile as the cutains are withdrawn to allow the rays to caress your face. The temptation of work, the lure of the desk pulls you like a magnet, taking you into her bosom and holding you there until the week is over and you must let go to face the unknown world outside your office, daunting and cold.

Or....maybe not.. On this system at work we have an online booking service. They tell us up to a year in advance what clients we are at, where and when. It is terrifying. Right now, I await in fear. My two blocks, representing one week, are empty. An empty white colour. Awaiting to be filled by some sickly shade of green , where the name of the client comes up. Amit, welcome, for the next two weeks you will be assigned to the isle of shit, at Cold and Dark Ltd. Exactly what iv been waiting for. So then I call up the relevant person, I ask the horrible question “where and when”..i feel cheap. My services are so easily renedered useless as the last minute I can be taken off, or at the last minute someone can tell me they want me and I just don’t have a say. The cheapest of the cheap. I go there, fake smile, fake handshake, ..wearing the same unironed trousers as I have before. I don’t need to say who I am..i have a staff number, and business car which stupidly has got my wrong extension number (my fault!).. I want to escape, my feet are itching to go and say “help the needy, save the world, eat your own puke”..anything but be a slave, a whore to the business world.

Sell my soul?
If I knew I had one I would appreciated it much more.

Anyway it is a lovely day, and a good morning to you all!!!