inevitable

again, not realy a copy and paste individual apart from when im working, but here is something to enlighten you about my chosen profession, incase you didnt know what we do...

An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: "This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old"."Where did you get this exact information?" "I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old."


An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night.""Have you tried counting sheep?""That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

Why do accountants make good lovers? They're great with figures.


A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary."
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."

Technically, having sex with me is like a charitable gift.
You're entitled to a $5,000 tax break on your municipal bond income... now let's do it.
You're the kind of girl I could take home to mother - which is good, since I still live with her.


and lastly...

You might be an Accountant if...


you have no idea that GAP is also a clothing store.
at the move Indecent Proposal you did a NPV calculation.
getting to sleep is an exciting event that you look forward to all day long.
your idea of trashing your hotel room is refusing to fill out the guest comment card.
you are doing it now because you checked the file and found that you did it last year.
you decide to change your name to a symbol and you choose the double underline "======".

japanese tv

I dont like to cop other people's blog material, but this one had to be done. Sorry lee, hope you dont mind but this is classic stuff.

For those who want to know what japanese tv is like, click on this link, and you wil be transported into oriental bliss

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjUkS63mfVY&search=silent%20library

Turning my back to the sun...

Time 8.27am
Place - on top of my mattress
Morale - high (the sun is reflecting of my wall hangings and lighting up the room
Expectation of future morale - probably low as the books open, and I turn my back to the sun, the laughs of children playing outside, the buzzing sound of a lawn mower and the endless amount of World Cup games that are on show at the moment

Anyway, another one week or so has passed before I actually have sat down and wrote something a bit more concrete than just copy and paste funny songs that don’t really have a meaning.

Watched a film two days ago, called Hard Candy. Having told my brother that this film interested me, he thought I was a bit sick (to put it mildly). To those who don’t know this film, its circles around two main characters, the so called “paedophile” masking as a fashion photographer of young models, and the so called “victim” who meets up with him through the net and follows a (non graphic) affair with him. However there is a twist rather early on in the film, and the girl is not as “sweet and innocent” as one may assume. She has an agenda all along and we are continue on a rollercoaster of emotions throughout the film. As she accuses and punishes him, (through one method that can make us men cringe!) you can see some of the audience actually wincing and feel some sort of sympathy for the man. Its as if we want to believe that the man is innocent of the crimes he is led to have committed.

The POINT is, these kind of films give us a clue of who we are. We can avoid these kind of films that provoke our inner thoughts and nudge us to thinking thoughts that usually never appear in our brains, unless we end up reading the tragic Metro which seems like a regular obituary, or watch the news at 6pm. This films are clever because it shows us that we cant hide in our shell and pretend that people like him don’t exist. He appears “normal” as per society’s definition, he has a good job, flashy car and a stylish house. We want to believe that as per society, this guy must be telling the truth. Leave him alone! However in a world where everyone wears masks, who are we to know who is who and what they say they are. We are all perfect actors. We wear a mask, hiding our true selves and insecurities from everyone else. If WE can do this so perfectly without the least bit of training, the chances of a more ill natured person achieving this is very likely…

Without sounding like a film geek, which I don’t pretend to be, the film LOOKED good, with the cinematography. Its been a while since I saw a film with good photography and where the camera plays as key a role as the actors. There is no Hollywood sad song to help the audience along the emotional path where the actors can fail. There is no point in this false setting…
Anyway I recommend this film. Not saying its great. Just saying its different and “interesting”. I don’t think I was meant to talk about this topic throughout the film…

Im sure, as I finish my endless zombie like reading tonight of donkeys shit that really doesn’t mean anything material to life, I will come back and supply a top ten list of jobs that one can do if we don’t manage to see the light at the end of this long dark smelly tunnel…

One of them has to be something fleeing to Bermuda as an asylum seeker , protesting against the unfair taxing and poor quality of the NHS, claiming this is all a conspiracy against you, and therefore be offered protection from the government of Bermuda to live full time of very healthy social benefits…
What do you think?

some classics being recommended by fellow class mates

From Paris to Berlin, and every disco I get in,
my heart is pumping for love, pumping for love,
'Cause when I'm thinking of you, and all the things we could do,
my heart is pumping for love, you left me longing for you
from funmi - her favorite song...

From Paris to Berlin, and every disco I get in, my heart is pumping for love,
pumping for love, 'Cause when I'm thinking of you,
And all the things we could do,
my heart is pumping for love

From Paris to Berlin, and every disco I get in,
my heart is pumping for love, pumping for love.
'Cause when I'm thinking of you,
And all the things we could do,
my heart is pumping for love,
you left me longing for you, you left me longing for you,

(and now the best part...)

you left me longing for you, you left me longing for you who-hou-u who-hou-u who-hou-u who-hou-u who-hou-u who-hou-u who-hou-u


some other things i cant get out of my head apart from kylie,

- ocaocaocado..ocado ocado......

as you can see , these 10 min sessions to write blogs are really difficult. I must come up with better things than this

a quickie!!

It has been a turbulent few weeks at the ol college, but this is the first time that i have felt that we can do this./....oh shit, she has started classes...
i have several things i will talk about,

classes
women
sex
and what is in my sandwhich...(not sex relaetd!)

30 bottles of pims and 150 sausages later

Congrats to the opening ceremony that welcomed the british summer to our hearts. A true feast of fun, friskiness and full on drinking. My only regret is that i dont have any pictures. If there is anyone who took pictures of the last saturdays activities, the more provacative the better, please send it to me. I promise i wont edit anything!

My own personal Barbeque saga - left canary warf in the early afternoon, being "pushed out" by dear Li to "hurry up and go". With 45 minutes before kick off, im rushing to the station with one bottle of pimms, and 8 cans of 64. A statistic at a website that my other friend Lee springs to mind now (how almost over a third of business men drown themselves with alcohol"..thank god i saw that email today!

Manage to get into the south londoned based house just intime to see a lovely picture of friends sitting down outside looking at a tv with England about to kick off. Not had i opened my first can, did England score. Hooray!

Anyway the story goes on for another 6 to 8 to 10 hours. People come and go. Playing the guitar in a treehouse, gatecrashing the neighbours party, shampooing a mates hair in the shower, walking from one end of the garden to the other for no ther reason but to try and gain a bit of sense of where i was. My phone! My worst enemy when im a little tipsy. Im sure Li got a headache reading my text messages. Not cool!

Everyones talking. Everyones laughing. Jazzy jef comes on with a bit of U2 later on. This is how summer is done. Then you realise, the job might be a wet sardine, but we have formed some kind of inner circle. Friends from all over the country, even the world, sharing the same fate of studies during the summer but all managing to have one last bit of fun. There wasnt any talk about work, about studying, about problems. It was all about the fact that we share something better - our love for happiness and pork sausages!

The summer party was a success. With every corner of the house used for entertainment, how cold it not be! One group challengng each other to drinking games, with the big men showing their true ability to down jugs and jugs of sweet pimms and lemonade and anything else put in.. another group playing the banjo and guitar in a Lord of the Flies style festival, and the other dancing to tribal summer music near the sound system. With the odd few with their heads between their legs (their own legs), and others just happy to be in the atmosphere and lie on the couch, i hope this description helps to make a clear and "lovely" picture...of life under the sun

soo tempting!

its so tempting write now to write some kind of depressing monologue concerning the trough that i am sliding into right now. yet another deja vu of " studying in the summer", and watching the kids play in the river and jump on each others backs...well, kind of...

so do i talk about the fact that i have gone several days staring at lines, ink marks and funny shapped rubbers. do i talk about hte fact that EVERYONE seems to be better than this, more motivated than me, more eager to chew the end of the pencil that i am?....do i even talk about the fact that i seem to have an excuse not to study, such as "this is ok, il do it on the weekend, in between NIcks bbq and and brothers tennis match?", to the absurd as "the room is full of clever people, they put me off!"....

unfortunately for me, the majority of my friends doing this, are in fact, the same as me. NO choice, No question! A lot of us do want to play, drink and be merry in the sea, and a lot of us do want to throw the brand of "auditor" in the bin and replace it with " sexy surfer." However we have no choice. its not our destiny right now, its more so a lack of other determination to do anything else...and for those who read this and are happy in what they do (especially other accountants), then think again what is making you happy...the money, your job, your LIFE outside your job? and thats exactly where the hammer hits the profound rustic nail...my life outside work is pleasent, BUT now my life outside work has become, um, work...and that is uterly depressing...

so in order to stop this from becoming a suicide blog, im going to cheer myself up, and the majority of readers , yes this is dedicated to the guys and girls stuck in this with me...the belfast boys especialy!!!

here are some stupid pictures that i myself have collected in the recent past to show, that life WILL get better...chin up!
















this is the view from my home. this view has been what iv been looking out while i did my last studies oh but three years ago. just to show that i can find something to distract me!






















where we went this weekend, to the chalk hills, Incase life gets too tough, head down south near Eastbourne and see if you really think that these exams really are the "be all and end all", life ureself up from your bend over peering position at the edge and go back to your car, and drive back up again to college...life isnt that bad as the next picture will surely prove...enough soppy "discovery" pictures now!!!....

















i could go on forever here...and you can see, there is one thing in common in the last few pictures...















and to those who dont know, this was all in celebration for the now married Andy! congratulations! as shown below...what a guy!



and we will be setting up an all male pin up calendar for you soon...